Tuesday, 15 August 2017

The problem with Nigel

The phone rang in the therapist’s office. The mother on the other end outlined the problem – Nigel, her son, now aged 44 had been in care for nearly 8 years in a state of catatonic schizophrenia. Various drugs and electroconvulsive therapy had been tried with only moderate and always a temporary success. Neurological assessments revealed nothing of significance. Nigel spent his days in a seemingly twilight world where there was minimal, if any, apparent interest in his surroundings. In short, Nigel appeared fully conscious yet totally unresponsive.

I think they have given up on him,” his mother told the therapist, and knowing his reputation asked, “Is there anything you can do?

Oh yes!” Replied the Good Looking Therapist.

The trickiest part was getting the psychiatric care home to allow the therapist in. There are all sorts of rules about these things and territorial considerations, but with persistence and some wiley charms, the therapist was able to get the relevant forms signed.

With minimal observation, Nigel’s care routine became obvious. In the morning, the care staff would wash him, drain off the catheter bag, dress him, place him on his chair, feed him and then park him in front of the window or television for the morning. Periodically, they’d lift him and move him to prevent pressure sores. On Wednesdays, the weekly enema was given to prevent constipation. At lunchtime, the catheter bag was emptied and Nigel was fed and watered and after lunch was parked either in front of the television or back in front of the window. The evening routine was similar and then he was put to bed.

This was pretty much Nigel’s life had been for the past 8 years. Now the care was mostly professional and was indeed very caring. He’d never developed a pressure sore, suffered unreasonable constipation or any other unreasonable physical health problem. Often, the staff would talk to him and read to him, but rarely was there even so much as a flicker of interest from Nigel.

I think he is lost to us,” one member of staff voiced to the Therapist, “what are you going to do?” she asked. “I’ll show you tomorrow,” the Therapist replied, “I’ll show you tomorrow.”

The following morning the Therapist was in early before the more dependent residents had been gotten out of bed. He brought freshly made doughnuts from the 24-hour supermarket and made all the staff tea and coffee and waited to be called. “Just let me know when you have Nigel out of bed,” he told them.

Forty minutes later, Nigel was out of bed and the Therapist waited patiently as the staff spoon fed Nigel who ate disinterestedly. When he had finished eating, the Therapist indicated to the nurses, “He’s mine, give him to me!” He demanded and as he took over control of the wheelchair leaned down and whispered into Nigel’s ear, “Just play along with me, I’m getting paid a fortune for this,” and wheeled him up along the corridor.

Reaching the small cleaners cupboard, the Therapist took out all the mops, brooms, dust pans – took out everything – and found to his delight that the cupboard was just about big enough to fit one man and a wheelchair into it. “Shhh! Just play along with me!” he said quietly as he shut the door, locking it after he did so.

It was at this juncture that the staff went nuts! What did this therapist think he was doing? Did he not know how unprofessional this was? What if something happened to him in there?

Look!” the Therapist explained. “That man is catatonic, he hasn’t moved in nearly 8 years and he is locked safely in a small empty cupboard. What on earth is going to happen to him? And besides, he’s safer in there than out here – haven’t you noticed, this place is full of crazy people?!

The staff were clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation and put up quite a protest. All this was occurring outside the cupboard where Nigel resided. This was part of the Therapist’s plan. Nigel might be unresponsive, but there certainly was nothing wrong with his ears.

He stays in the cupboard!” The therapist ordered, showing the staff the written authority that had been granted to him for the unconventional intervention. The staff went away unhappy. The Therapist did notice later that day that the doughnuts brought earlier remained uneaten.

At lunchtime, the therapist unlocked the cupboard and wheeled Nigel back to the care staff that ministered to him in the usual fashion.

After lunch, Nigel was wheeled back into the cupboard with the passing whisper, “Look, let’s see if we can string out this all week, it’s a really cushy number!” and the Therapist once again locked the door.

That evening Nigel was handed back to the care staff and the therapist went home. He was back in early again the next morning and when he took command of Nigel in his wheelchair, Nigel did something – he looked at the Therapist, and it was a look that communicated something. Precisely what that something was no one was sure, but the care staff saw it too. “He seems angry,” said one of the nurses.

At around 8am, with Nigel fed and watered, the Therapist wheeled him along the corridor to the cupboard. As he did so, he said in a jovial manner into one of Nigel’s ears, “Thanks ever so much for this – I really do appreciate it,” and placed him back into the cupboard and locked it.

By 1030am that very same morning, that cupboard door was off its hinges and a very angry looking Nigel was found standing in the corridor screaming, "cocksuckingmotherfuckingcuntingshitcuntbastard!” And as if to complete the image, he actually had spittle flying from his mouth and drool on his chin.

It certainly as if Nigel was awake and he was looking more responsive than yesterday. Yet, this behaviour appeared to unsettle the staff more than when he was locked in the cupboard.

So, the first thing that they did?

They sedated him.

Monday, 14 August 2017

How to make a promotional video

There appears to be a set formula for how one should produce a self-promotion video if you are a coach, NLPer, hypnotherapist or wotnot.  To make it easy for the new alphabet therapist (IEMT, EMDR, NLP, CBT, EFT, NAET, TFT, TAT etc) to fit in, I'll briefly outline what you need to do to make a video for your website.

1. Location.  Without a doubt, the location is the most important aspect.  As you know sitting in front of a bookshelf will make you appear intelligent, so take the time to select the right books to have on the shelves that will appear behind you. It doesn't matter if you have actually read them or not.  Alternatively, you may wish to use a plain background, in which case you should position yourself in front of an interior door for that plain-background-that-is-actually-the-bedroom-door appeal.

2.  Lighting.  There is no need to use proper lighting, the 11watt economy bulb that pretends to be the equivalent of an old style 100watt bulb will do just fine.

3. Microphone. The mic that is inbuilt into your video camera will do just fine.

4. A tripod is entirely optional, you might want simply to borrow a family member with a steady hand to hold the camera for you.

5. Remember to tell your story. Absolutely everyone wants to hear "how you got into" NLP, ABC, EFT or whatever it is. Everyone will be riveted to hear how you have always had an interest in people, words and so on and how you are so happy to have this gift of being the special one.

6.  Script/content.  Forget decent content because there is no need to offer your viewer anything that is actually useful, after all, you don't want to give away the shop. Instead, simply state your name, location and preferred alphabet therapy that you practice.  Then use a generic, "…and so if you have problems with <insert short list of conditions> then please contact me on my website." Use the simple logic that looks like, "because I am a hypnotherapist and you are a depressive, then you should call me for an appointment."  Yes, that'll work.

7. Where to put the video. Simply upload it to youtube, because this is the type of video that Youtube fans just love to watch. Badly embedding the video code onto your web-template web page will, of course, drive a torrent of traffic from eager customers to your video.

Once you have this video uploaded, your colleagues will recognise you as one of their own and you will fit right in. The only thing left to do will be to start posting onto public internet forums asking for advice from other experts as to what techniques you should use with your next client.

Good luck.

Or...do something different.  Here's Topher Morrison. I don't know him nor his work, but this is a great promo video.



Please give other examples, good and bad, below.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

How much to charge?


A very common theme in the hypnotherapy and complementary therapy world is that of "charging as much as you can" and "the higher you charge, the more you will be respected."

Something I have encountered a lot is, "if it is important to the client then they will pay anyway."

I'm not so sure about this, and I personally wonder if this reflects the elevated egos of so many private therapists.

The reality is that many people with problems simply do not have the money and so to insist that they pay a high fee will only add to their burdens and not necessarily help them in a positive way.
The other issue of a high fee is that it acts as a very good filter by excluding those people at the really shit-end of life and instead works to select in those who have a significant disposable income to spend on a luxury as hypnotherapy.

Therapists do like their YARVIS clients the most (Young, Attractive, Rich, Verbal, Intelligent and Sane) and the really screwed up ones who are without money, have poor articulation and poor personal hygiene are definitely the ones to be avoided. 

It's easy to claim a high success rate when one's clients don't really have many major problems in living and what they have are basically cosmetic problems.

But then we all want to earn a good living and have the dream life that they told us about on our training course. Or more importantly, the dream life they told us about in order to get us on their training course in the first place.

Well, what did you expect?

What do therapists do when they don't get enough clients…they run training courses in how to get clients of course!

So here's a simple guideline for knowing how much to charge:  do you feel bad, guilty or awkward with the amount of money you charge?  Are you scared of "being found out"? 

That is the clue - you are charging too much.

For years I have suffered the problem of ego maniacs and general dipshits in the NLP world telling me to put up my prices.  Well, where are those people now?  Most of them are either in enormous debt or have gone back to their day jobs.  Really.  But their websites are all still online displaying the ridiculous prices they pretended to be charging when in fact they never got any clients at all.

How do I know this? I do a credit check on these people.

The internet is a grave yard of websites that preach success but actually were never successful in the first place, and this gives the illusion that people are all earning loads of money and we are the ones who are not doing so well.  I have copies of the financial records of a good number of trainers and therapists and it doesn't make very good reading at all.

Despite it all, I still don't understand how it is possible to rack up a six figure debt by being a hypnotherapist, but it isn't uncommon.

Something I did several years back which was quite successful was to offer two prices - £25 (students, low wage) and £95 (waged) - I always let people decide for themselves which price they paid.  People coming via my websites hardly ever selected the cheaper option. The local social services such as community housing, probation office, crisis centres and so forth did provide me with a steady stream of £25 clients which kept me very busy indeed and helped me to build the extensive professional network that I have today.

Years back, I also did "Free Fridays" where I'd offer one or two sessions for free on Friday - anyone could book those sessions, regardless of income.  Again, people were good about that, the waged ones would mention that they deliberately weren't asking for a free session. 

And the ones who did book the free sessions?  Well, most of them were either late, didn't show up, or were moaners who always wanted more, more more and nothing was ever good enough.  So I stopped the free Fridays.

Anyway, just some random thought, hope this helps,
Andy

http://www.brassbollocks.co.uk