Today's idiot phone call. I get one or two a week.
Me: "Good afternoon, Andy Austin, how can I help?"
Caller: "Hello, is that Mister Austin?"
Me: "Yes it is. How can I help?"
Caller: "You run a plumbing business, is that right?"
Me: "No, I don't."
Caller: "Oh, you are a roofer, yes?"
Me: "No. Do you want a plumber, or a roofer?"
Caller: "But it says here that you are a plumber and run your own business."
Me: "Well, what it says there is possibly wrong, or you have dialled the wrong number. It happens, you know."
Caller: "So, you are not a plumber?"
Me: "Sorry, the answer is still no."
Caller: "What do you do then?"
Me: "Tell you what. Let's start with the pleasantries first. Why don't you tell me who you are and what it is that you want before you start asking me questions about who I am. After, you called me, remember?"
Caller: "Are you self employed, Mister Austin?"
Me: "Now, I really think we might need to discuss your manners here. How about telling me who you are?"
Caller: "I'm calling from Orange, and you have been selected..."
Me: (interrupting) "I doubt that somehow."
Caller: "You doubt what?"
Me: "That Orange would employ you to make phone calls such as this."
Caller: "Excuse me, Mister Austin, why do you say that?"
Me: "Because if Orange really employs you to make idiot calls to their customers, then I think it is time for me to sell my shares."
Caller: "Oh, OK Mister Austin, have a nice day."